Our Blessings: Ch. 11

I breathe in and come to peace with my thoughts. I remember the heart-to-heart talk with Zachary a few months back…

I won’t say I won’t find another girl and forget her one day, because I know something like that would eventually happen. Yet, even so, I do know that deep down, there is this quiet hidden corner at the back of my memory of little Clavier and Shirleen which will bring back bitter-sweet emotions.

Maybe three years was a long wait for her. By then, her fleeting affection for me would have disappeared. I don’t blame her. In fact the only person I should blame is myself. If I hadn’t been so childish, or if my ego hadn’t been so inflated, I might still have stood a chance. Maybe when I can fully forgive myself for being who I was, we can catch up and reconcile as friends.

I at least wanted to tell her that I was sorry for my actions in the past, for whatever that made us drift apart. I wanted to tell her things I never got the chance to tell her. To apologise to her for my immaturity, to apologise on behalf of my naive self clouded by pointless emotions. By then, we would have accepted our flaws and mistakes, moved on, walking down our own paths we have chosen. We would have moved on knowing that the past is something to be left behind. She may not think it necessary, but I would want that. At least, I want to let her know that I too have moved on…

I gaze into Shirleen’s eyes, sparkling brighter than I remember. I finally understand.

Stop harping over broken promises. I’ve made a promise to her that she will be cheerful for the rest of her life. She is happier being with that boy. So let it be, grant her that happiness.

Just then, Calista does something that I could never have anticipated – she reaches for my hand and holds onto it tightly. Knowing her, she is giving me courage and affirming my self-worth. Amanda too reaches for my arm and holds me gently, as if telling me that whatever happens, it will be fine because I have her.

I peer over my shoulders and see Brenda standing unusually close to Zac. I smile to myself.

It’s time…

I gently squeeze Calista’s hand once. She understands, and releases my hand from her grasp. I turn my head to face Amanda, tilt my head and smile at her. She understands too, and releases her grip from my arm as well.