Our Blessings: Ch. 10

I finally have a chance to take a close look at the boy who had no rules.

Yet all is fair in love and war…

I almost blurt out, “you have some guts, taking advantage of situations. But then again, this is what will make you a cutthroat lawyer, mate.”

I hold my tongue.

Clavier often comments that I am a living testament of his transition. Likewise, the couple standing in front of me is evidence of a past I loathe.

Her lawyer-to-be boyfriend glares at me pointedly and puts his arm around her, as if trying to protect her from a man-eating beast.

I am no beast. Beasts act upon their primal instincts. I don’t. I will not physically tear them down. I will break their mind.

I almost did so three years ago, when I met Yolene at her void deck to thrash things out.

There was so much I wanted to rant that day.

“Have your taste buds gone bland? A doctor to a lawyer, seriously? What’s it next time? You gonna roll a dice to decide? Or do you simply go with anyone who is able to make you laugh?”

“What happened to staying faithful to me when I enter the military? It’s bad that you had a change of heart, let’s add on secretly dating him and lying to everyone of us, close friends, family and all.”

I admit. I was furious. So furious I could have spat those burning insults right into her face and disfiguring her self-worth like a serpent spitting acid blobs on its prey.

Yet beyond the anger was disappointment. I was disappointed with her losing faith in the relationship we painstakingly built over the years. 

But however angry I was with her, I could not bear to break her beyond what she can handle. Judging by her deplorable state, she was on the verge of breaking any moment. Driving her to a corner was the last thing I would want happen to her.

All I said was, “I hope you don’t regret this decision. Because once you turn your back on me and leave, there’s no second chance.”

Deep down, I knew it was for the better. We were indeed struggling to keep our shared interests afloat. Beside a know-it-all, she might have felt inferior and incompatible. It was not that I was at fault for not trying to change for her. We were simply destined to be from two different planets.

She kept on weeping and apologising. Her tears streamed down and mixed with her mucus running down her nose. Her face was a mess. I couldn’t recognise her. I stared into her glistering eyes and saw my stony expression.

So this is how I look like…

“This is Brenda. Brenda, Yolene and…”

I stop because I do not know her boyfriend’s name.

“Lawrence. He is Lawrence, my boyfriend,” Yolene’s voice falters off, “is she… your girlfriend..?”

I gaze blankly at them.

I do not know how to answer Yolene. As a man with immense pride, I do not want to appear as a pathetic fool who hasn’t moved on. Yet Brenda and I are not even close to being in a relationship. Yes, though we addressed our fondness for each other, we have made it clear that we would remain this way until we can decide what’s best for the both of us.

Brenda does a slight turn, tip-toes and whispers into my ear – something that Yolene could never have done because of the drastic height difference.

“Zachary, don’t face it alone any longer. I know you are fine with solitude, but let me face the world with you.”

Brenda’s gentle words soothe my empty heart.

I turn my head and face her. We are so close that our noses lightly touch each other. I can see her flawless face clearly, even without the use of a microscope.

“Is this a confession?”

She makes a soft snort and says, “Didn’t I confess to you already, dummy?”

Brenda drops back down to her heels and closes up the gap between herself and me. She faces the couple once more.

Her left hand slowly reaches for my right hand and her fingers intertwine with mine.

She looks at the Yolene with a pair of determined eyes and smile.

“I’m glad that we are now.”

I stroke the back of her hand with my thumb thrice.

She understands, and we separate our clasped hands.