Our Blessings: Ch. 09

She is exactly the same Shirleen haunting my dreams since I was sixteen. In every dream the boyfriend’s face is blurred but her face becomes more vividly etched in my memory. It has been six years since we’ve made the promise. Not one day goes by without me wishing I could jump into a blackhole and transport myself to that specific parallel universe where she and I are still together.

We cannot confirm if parallel universes exist nor the effects of blackholes but there is one that I experienced – her winter-night eyes.

I am being absorbed into a place where wishes come true, a place where snowflakes drift down the winter night sky.

I did not expect to see her again, not like this. I do not know how to react in this situation. I guess the same goes for them.

Yolene’s high pitched voice rings in my ears from behind. This is the moment of truth for both of us, Zachary, and myself.

As composed as I can prepare myself, I say, “Shirleen, how have you been?”

“I… I’m fine…” she stutters as she timidly tries to sneak a peek into my eyes, “how… how about you?”

Hearing her bashful voice again makes the back of my brain tingle.

She used the same, exact tone when she requests “can we just be friends” a few years back, when I waited each day until the national examinations were over, thinking that the pain would dissolve as soon as she agreed to be my girlfriend. That was the promise we made to each other. A commitment to wait. I was wrong. The pain did not disperse. Instead, the aching in my heart worsened. That day, however much I felt like crumbling, however much my heart bled, I still found the courage to smile at her, to shake her hand and to bid farewell to her. That day, I burned the image of her pair of eyes into my memory, knowing that I could never look at her with such gaze any more. That day, I died…

I turn to look at him, the one standing next to Shirleen. He tries his best to stand up straight to be on level with me. When he realises he is unable to do so, he scowls at me defiantly.

I cannot help but presume that when she told me “you will find someone better than me”, it was actually directed to herself – “I will be finding someone better than Clavier”. I hate to admit it, but she is spot on. I am just someone who failed to achieve my dreams. “Hope you get into the course of your choice” was the last conversation we had. The course of my choice? I chuckle to myself. I’m not the one wearing a white coat.

“University life has been taxing… But I guess I am doing fine. How’s law? Congrats on getting in.”

Unlike myself, she has always been an achiever, getting to choose what she wants. She is currently studying law in the university located in the city. So I assume she is here for the law event held by our college.

“Thanks… What are you studying? Literature?”

As expected of her to assume that I am taking an Arts degree, considering the numerous poems I’ve written for her. Back in Junior College, I was well-known for stringing words into musical chords.

“Unfortunately, no,” I chuckle, “I guess I didn’t get the course of my choices.”

I shrug my shoulders with a humble smile.

Not medicine, nor law. No. I wasn’t good enough then. That is how society judges you when you receive your results slip.

“Then what are you studying?”

Her eyes glisters with pride but somewhere in the deep corners, I can sense her concern.

“Architecture.”

“Oh… As in engineering? I didn’t know you are into those kinds of things,” she comments.

“No… Architecture is a totally different area of discipline.” I make a light chuckle, “and besides, there are lots of things you don’t know about me.”

“Glad it is such,” Shirleen’s boyfriend interjects insolently.

I turn to him.

“And you must be Shirleen’s boyfriend?”

At this point in time, I have every intention to bluntly tell him to mind his manners. I struggle to restrain myself.

“Oh… Yar… Keeve, Clavier. Clavier, Keeve.”

Shirleen does the usual introductory routine.

“I know all about you,” he spits. The hidden message is “I know about your history with Shirleen, so don’t mess with me”.

The words Shirleen told me years ago nag in my ears. “I don’t know what it is like to like someone.” That was a blatant lie. A month after she rejected me, my friend sent me an Instagram photo of Shirleen and Keeve celebrating their one-month anniversary. When I found out that she moved on without informing me, I died again…

Maybe she lied so that I would not be hurt. Little did she know that I felt worse off being deceived. I can understand her dilemma now because I too do not wish to hurt the two ladies standing next to me.

“Keeve,” I acknowledge him as I nod my head.

Likewise, I introduce both Amanda and Calista to the couple.

Calista offers to shake their hands. When Keeve shakes Calista’s hand, it seems as though he is hesitant on letting it go. I feel a tinge of jealousy. If it weren’t for Calista pulling her hand out politely and returning to my side, I would have broken them up by force.

Amanda rebelliously turns her head away and says, “only Clavier has the privilege to shake my hand.”

I sigh, “Mandy, manners are exceptionally important for a lady of your stature…”

Amanda resigns and shakes their hands reluctantly.

I am now flooded with so many playbacks of the past. I want to wail out my sorrows from the past. I want her to feel guilty about leaving me. This can be my one and only chance to get back at them for all she did to me. I can feel her boyfriend’s intense stare on me. I can take this opportunity to ruin their relationship by instigating him to lose trust in Shirleen. I am so close to executing this evil plot of mine…